Friday, January 10, 2014

Decisions

There is going to be a big change to my website soon.  OK, you probably wouldn't notice it but it is big for me.  My tag line will change from “The Diary of a Working, Slightly Nuts, Almost 40 Years Old First Time Mother” to a “40 Year Old”.   Yes.  My 40th birthday is only a few weeks away and it exhausts me to even think about it.

I know everyone says that age is just a number and I don’t look 40, but age does play an important factor in one the most often questions I get asked.
 
“Are you going to have another child?”

I may not look 40 but my ovaries are every bit of 40 years old.  Sometimes at night, I can hear them withering away into dust.  I cover my ears with a pillow to drown out their screams
.
I had my son when I was 38.  I knew I was on borrowed time.  I have blogged before about how women over 35 are treated by doctors – like freaks of nature.   So, when I got pregnant within a month of trying, I felt a sense of relief.  Then I immediately had 9 months of dread that my old uterus wasn’t going to keep my baby safe.  And then there was the consuming fear of SIDS on he was born.   But yes, for a moment I had some relief that I was able to be a mom.

But now 40 is around the corner and we are forced to decide if we want a 2nd child.  If it is not now, it probably will be never.  

Yes, I know that the 40s are the new 30s and it seems to be in to have a child at an older age.  For example….

Halley Berry (46)
Gwen Stephani  (43)
Salma Hayek  (41)
Kelly Preston (47)
Mariah Cary (42)
Marcia Cross (45)
Nancy Grace (47)
Tina Fey (41)



I could go on and on.    When you are rich and beautiful – you can do anything. 

Also a study out of Denmark came out saying that fertility doesn't really drop after 35.  It is more like 41.  They stated "78 percent of 35-to-40-year-olds got pregnant within a year, compared with 84 percent of 20-to-34-year-olds."   So the good news is I have one more year to decide.

One more year to stress about the decision.

Awesome.

Great.

Fantastic.

Like everything else in my life, I started thinking about the pros and cons of having another child in my 40s.

Pros

  • I am more laid back now.  Not as many things bother me.  I tend to go with the flow more than I used to.  Crayons on the wall?  Grab the Mr. Clean Eraser.   Kid with diarrhea?   Rub some Vicks under my nose and refill the antibacterial hand sanitizer bottle. 
  • I am more secure with myself.  I no longer walk in a room hoping that people will like me.  I now walk into a room hoping I like them.   “Those people” include my kids.  
  • We are more financially secure.    That means I can afford a good shrink and the good drugs.
  • I have had many of life’s experiences already.  Having kids keeps me home and from making any more bad life choices.
  • Having kids makes me more focused on family and health.   If I am going to be chasing after kids in my 40s, I better be in shape. 
  • When my kids are still in high school, I may qualify for senior citizen discounts.  That makes shopping for school clothes less expensive.
  • If I have a daughter, she won’t want to borrow my “grandma” clothes.
  • They can help color my gray hair with brown Crayola markers faster.


Cons
  • Obvious stress of having a miscarriage or birth defects increase.
  • Not sure my creaking bones can handle it.  I can’t even get off the couch without groaning.
  • I need to toughen up more so when people ask if they are my grandkids, I won’t be bothered.
  • There will be a huge culture gap.   They will never know what a tape deck is and I will never understand half of their texting lingo.
  • I am not old enough to be senile.  I still remember what it was like to be able to leave the house quickly and for long periods of time.  That will be long gone with two kids.
  • I am going to be one of those “creepy” old ladies I currently judge buying socks in the baby aisle.

One last pro....Gosh!  We make cute babies!  We would be doing the world a favor.

Decisions, decisions….

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